SHORE ILL WRITE SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ive set before me the task of writing something everyday. It can be literally anything as long as I set something down on paper.
For too long I have avoided this task.
The problem i’m having is focusing the writing in a direction. it’s painful. I can write an excerpt from a story here or an abstract poem there or write about the writing itself, but I cant seem to actually want to write anything specific.
Why? what is in me that can’t come out? I want something to come out of me, but I have no idea what it is. Do I want to write or do I just want to want to write. Maybe I hate writing. Maybe i’m not special and I just wanna be special and I think writing something will make me special.
I am a person. I am just a person. I am still a person. I will always be a person. the thought of being a person is not exciting. the thought of being a person is like being a brick.
This is unhealthy thought. this is thought that leads to cyclical thinking and perpetual depression.
Dont be like these thoughts. You too can prevent forest fires.
It seems my writing is like a surf board and my thoughts are the ocean. they are constantly moving and i’m trying to catch a thought wave and ride it to a million dollars or purpose or meaning or the passing of time or jokes or joy.
that was a little wave but I don’t think i’m quite to shore yet for the day.
the waves just haven’t been good. its the waves fault. the waves wont listen to me.
I think the lesson for today will be a lesson I have already learned but am forced to relearn- like all the time- omg.
I must relearn to not care about what has happened with the reactions of others. I will never write anything if i care about youuuuuuuuuu.
poooo.
I care though. its apparent. it hurts and this is not good. do you post bad things. Yes if you are trying to write something everyday then you must post bad things
now a poem wave.
Bob has not seen the car.
Bob has not.
He drives it to and from but
Bob has not seen the car.
see that poem wave was a dumb poem wave. i want a good wave. I want to be taken out to deep waters by my mind jet ski and be tethered into the next great American NOVEL. OR A SCREEN PLAY> AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am on the shore and reluctantly headed home.
I hate sand.
